An expose’ on The Hopeful Housewife: aka I’ve had too much time to think.
I’ve fogged up my blog.
I am easily distracted and often times, share too much.
When God took me through the wearing of dresses and headcovering, I was better off keeping it to myself. Really, there was no reason to share it here, but its easy to get caught up in the “A week in modest dress” blog *festivities*, and want to participate with people who share the same convictions as you. So many of the “Adventures” God has taken me on are lonely ones, and I find myself wanting to find a village…a tribe…a group that I can relate to.
The problem there is that I’m missing the point. I dont need to seek other women, I need to seek companionship with Jesus. Sharing some of the convcitions and lessons here has only served to make my point(s) here fuzzy.
Because I have done this, I feel the need to clarify my thoughts on these matters.
I’ll start here:
I am a visual learner. God tends to teach me through visual, hands on experiences. It is not uncommon to get answers to prayer in my dreams…in visual form (obviously). So, here’s a semi-confession: God originally asked me to wear dresses several years ago. It was after I had done a lot of work in the local music scene, and had really sort of conformed to the dress and lifestyle of the industry. The bigger issue was my verbal modesty. I have a tendency to say too much, and I am often times not careful enough with the things I say. Wearing dresses served as a visual reminder of who I was supposed to be…and that I represent God in all that I do. I equated it to having a Jesus fish decal on your car. Driving like a jerk and flipping the bird to the guy who cut you off on the highway is contradictory to the Jesus decals and bumper stickers we often have on our vehicles, isn’t it? Perhaps having these symbols of faith on our cars helps hold us accountable? Maybe, maybe not. For me, it does. Its that whole visual learner thing I suppose.
I have NEVER said that I think dresses/skirts are the only biblical way for a Christian woman to dress. I have never said that it makes me a better Christian, or that its a sin to wear pants. On the contrary, I often find myself a bit jealous of the Christian women who dont need the harsh lessons that I seem to, lol! The headcovering was a simple extension on His lesson for me. It is not something I do all the time (notice I only posted 2 days of pics) but it is something that works well for me when I am struggling with submissiveness in general. I dont mean towards my husband necessarily, but just in general. Maybe thats the wrong word. I think its more about humility for me.
To further complicate matters, I have struggled with body dismorphia for over 15 years. The “adventure in modest dress” that I have taken with God has really helped me with some of that. It was a harsh lesson in what really matters. It was a detox for me, so to speak when appearances had become such an unhealthy aspect of my life. I dont think I’ll elaborate on this just yet. Its a very, very painful aspect of my life that I am still trying to figure out. I am, however, starting to see how God is helping me through it. Just know that when I say “dresses only” has been a helpful tool for me PERSONALLY, this is what I mean. I would never deliberately project the importance of dresses on anyone else deliberately. Perhaps my mistake here has been the simple seeking of what I thought were “like minded” women, when really, it wasnt ever about being like minded in the first place. It has always been about what God was trying to teach ME, not an overall movement of sorts. I am not trying to debate what the Bible says about what modest dress. I honestly have no desire to do that. I simply want to clarify what has been weighing so heavily on me since I received a comment last week in a modest dress post of mine.
I have been praying for clarity, trying to make sense of things. Here is what I know…and it is all I know for now. I’m human, I have major faults, and God is working on me. I also know that I will never be perfect, and sometimes vulnerability really stinks.
It’s that exact vulnerability that I am attempting to have here. I want to get back on track, and away from anything that will lead people to believe I am a believer of things I am not. There are many blogs out there that I have been affiliated with. Blogs that have things I pick and choose from, but dont completely agree with.
My goal is to expose who I am. Who “The Hopeful Housewife” really is, and why I do the things that I do.
Today, those things were wearing jeans while watching the Super Bowl. It included drinking Pepsi, eating delivery pizza, and baking brownies that were not made from sprouted, soaked flour.
Perhaps tomorrow I’ll wear a jumper and mill some corn, but its possible that I’ll fix cold cereal for dinner too.
My point is, I’m trying. I love Nourishing Traditions. I also really love white bread and butter. I love to wear feminine, flowing dresses, but sometimes my Levi’s are the only thing I can bring myself to wear. Brewing Kombucha makes me incredibly happy, but I dont like the way it tastes. I drink it because I like the way it makes me feel, but saying I enjoy it would be a lie. I really do love serving my family, and do my best to do it well. I take great pleasure in it, and feel its my calling in life at this point…but there are days when I really want to run for the hills. I’m no Michelle Duggar, but I sure admire her. My goal every day is to walk out what God would have me do. I seek His guidance, wisdom, and companionship, but still fall short all the time.
I’m working on it folks. I really am. I have never said anything here that wasn’t true, but I think my true purpose w/this blog was really lost along the way. My desire for a group to fit into it overshadowed so much, and for that I apologize. I hope that my words are clear, but I am not confident that they are. It may take time for complete clarity here again, but I’ll find it.
Thanks for comin’ along on *this* Adventure with me.
February 7th, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Great post. I’m glad you’re so open to God and letting him work through you, and learning who he wants you to be
<3
February 8th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
You need to be my “person”! I fall short all the time, and forget that I am supposed to keep God close at all times. I have a hard time staying on the right path, especially in domestic terms, and need someone to keep me on track!
February 8th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Here’s what I think - this is your blog, an extension of you. You are not here to please me or anyone else. To me, this blog is the essence of you - your thoughts, your activities, your dreams…….and to worry about what others think or might say or if they might be offended, simply gets you off track to your purpose. I’ve noticed that sometimes it is hard to not get lost in the “pleasing the audience” mentality and you are not alone!! So many of the blogs I follow have been taking breaks even to get their head right…..as they got really offtrack due to some unpleasant comments. Made me stop and go “hmm” because I’ve not stopped and really taken my comments to heart. Could be that I haven’t gotten that many, but at this stage in my life and with all I’ve gone through, my blog is mine. And if no one likes it, that’s OK ’cause I do! I do it for me! lol I guess that can look selfish, but I just need that outlet.
I have no doubt your ‘purpose” involves inspiring others……and as you know, that doesn’t always come in a sweet, little package. Sometimes we get inspired by being whacked by a truth that we never saw coming, or never expected.
So, as one of your loyal followers, I beg you to please continue to be YOU, because that’s who we love. If you decide or feel led to go do something I personally go “HUH???” at? So be it! I can choose to read that post, or not, but I certainly don’t think you (or anyone on any blog) is telling me to do and be any certain way.
I guess what I’m trying to say is……..please be yourself, ’cause that’s who we love!! And for some of us learning the “harder” lessons in life (like me), I’ve learned that sometimes what I need to hear is the last thing I ever saw coming. So bring it on! If it’s meant to speak to me, it will. Otherwise, I’ll just read it and go “Hmmm, cool for her…….” Make sense?
( ( HUGS ) )
Cheri
February 15th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
“I dont need to seek other women, I need to seek companionship with Jesus.”
Hellooo wake up call. Thank you for writing this. Oooh boy I have some making up to my Father to do lol :o) I have been sitting in this house, resentful that I can’t get out, craving being around friends/fellow moms…counting down to spring to make that happen…. and I could have just spent time with Jesus instead. *sigh* I will get there eventually lol.
(((hugs)))
February 17th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Hi- first time visiting your blog.
I found your post refreshing. You admit to being real and that’s good. I see so many Christian women bloggers who put so much energy into showing off their “uniform” in picture posts all the time and in veiled ladylike language saying that if I don’t do so, I’m not a true follower of Christ.
February 17th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
I wanted to say I found your blog last summer I guess when I too was getting into the whole “clique” thing. It felt good at first to feel “part of something”. But I wasn’t really being true to myself. I was inspired to keep my house cleaner and be a better Mom, but I started feeling put upon to live up to someone else’s idea of what a good Christian is. I stopped reading blogs altogether and even posting on mine for a long time.
I’ve started slowly and carefully coming back to *some* of the blogs I used to read and be inspired by, and I wanted to tell you I am SO glad to read this post by you. It feels so good to know I wasn’t alone in these feelings. Some days you do just need a pair of Levis and some white bread LOL! I’m just going to take it day by day and do what I can and try to be a better mom and wife and Christian. And I do not care what those other ladies think.
Thank you!
Patty
February 18th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Melanie, thank you.
Nikki, we all fall short, and keeping God close at all times is easier said than done it seems. The truth is, even grocery shopping is more successful when I ask for His eyes to see before I walk in.
LOL!
Holly, harsh lesson, no? Kinda hurt for me. Felt like a spiritual spanking, lol
Shannon, I agree. I find so many blogs discouraging when they are meant to be the opposite. I dont need proof from someone that they are a good Christian mother/wife/helpmeet/whatever. I do seek fellowship in those areas…and sometimes that is lost it seems.
Patty, your post means a lot to me. Its so easy to fall into the clique search. I have done many “blog fasts” as well, and totally understand the need for that. What we need to do is make sure we are pleasing God, not some woman in bloggywood…but thats really, really easy to forget, isn’t it? I’m glad you are finding your direction…we get to take that adventure together it seems!
January 15th, 2013 at 5:59 am
This is my 1st time reading and answering a blog. I”m old school, trying new things this year. I can relate to everything you said! I feel all of what you expressed and more. The dresses, the cliques, wanting to totally be myself, needing to belong, and having those moments to let loose. This morning I was looking for a women’s group online to connect with to chase some of those blues away but I was led by God to your blog and I feel so much better. I don’t understand why it’s such a hard fight… but with HIS help I’ll win.
Thank you for your honesty!
February 13th, 2013 at 9:51 am
Rose, thank you so much for responding. I am glad you feel better!! I am also sorry it took so long to respond to you…I havent logged in in quite a while. :/ I have so struggled with where this blog is supposed to go..or if it is supposed to go at all. After reading this post (that I wrote several years ago) the emotion is still fresh as I go over it. i still struggle and now I live in an extremely fundamentalist community that makes it even tougher to feel ok in your own skin. This is an on-going challenge for me, but I am finding his way..with HIS help, we will all win, Dear Rose.